When I was a kid, my teachers tried to bribe my class to read books by offering us pizza.
It was actually part of that Book It program that Pizza Hut offers, which—even as a kid—I thought was a decent idea, despite the fact that I disliked reading more than I liked eating pizza.
Personally, I thought free Nintendo games would have been a better idea.
Sometimes I’d get a little jealous when I’d see other kids getting their coupons for a personal pan pizza. However, I understood the price I’d have to pay to join them: losing my mind from boredom by sitting in front of some book during precious time I’d rather spend playing Super Mario, doodling on my sketchpad, or running around outside make believing I was a ninja.
When I thought about how much more fun it was pretending to kick my friends in the face than it was to read a book, any jealousy I had for the Book It achievers disappeared.
Only once did I ever do enough reading to achieve free pizza status.
My parents congratulated me and made a big deal of taking me to Pizza Hut upon completion of my achievement, and I remember sitting there eating my pizza thinking something like, “Reading is so awesome! I want to be an author when I grow up so I can touch the hearts and souls of readers with my writing!"
Well, not really.
Actually, I’m pretty sure the only thing I was thinking was “AAAAGHHH!!! ME LIKE PIZZA!!! MINE MINE MINE!!! PIZZA-AAAAA!!!”
There are moments today that I wish there was a Book It club for adults so I could be enticed to read. Because even today, I’m all about some free pizza.
But then I think about how I’d be subjecting myself to boredom sitting there in front of some book during precious time I’d rather spend playing PS3, blogging, or make believing I’m a responsible adult.
And then when I think about how much more fun it is to do bills than it is to read a book, well, nevermind. Actually, speaking of bills, some free pizza sounds good.
So, like, Garfield counts as reading, right?