Friday, August 19, 2011

"Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay" sounds way better than "Bow wow wow yippee no yippee nay"

In retrospect, Michael Vick's biggest mistake was naming his dogfighting operation "Bad Newz Kennels." I remain convinced that if he'd named it "Good Newz Kennels," he'd have gotten off scott-free.

Look, no one likez bad newz, especially about dogz.

"I'm sorry to tell you: Spot's cancer spread to his stomach. We had no choice but to put him down."

And then the whole family cries for days.

However, everyone lovez good newz, especially about dogz.

"Check this out: Rover can fetch now! Alright... go get it, boy!"

And then everyone cheers and high-fives each other in celebration.

I can only imagine the scene at the police station if they'd been tipped off about dogfighting at Good Newz Kennels:

"Psshhh... Yeah, right! Look, pal, not at Good Newz Kennels, okay? I mean, 'Good' is in the name for GOOD-ness sake. And they use a 'Z' at the end of 'Newz'! How silly! That's adorable, just like I assume their cute, little fluffy dogs are!"

But instead what went down went more like this:

"What?!? Dogfighting??? Over at Bad Newz Kennels? This sounds bad. Like bad news, even. Those poor dogs. Oh no... They have a 'Z' at the end of 'Newz.' That means only one thing: trouble. I'll assemble the SWAT team for an immediate raid. No warning shots. Shoot on sight."